THE FINAL BLOG :)

Throughout this final semester, you have read my ups and downs, my right and wrongs, and the decisions I have made for my future. Although sometimes it seems that I have no clue what I really want to do, that is because it's true. I am 19 and ready to experience life to the fullest. At this point I feel that I have a steady idea and hope for my future. The only issue throughout this blog was how was I suppose to get there. I guess you never really know what will happen in your future. The only thing someone can do it take life day by day. I hope to have a great career, be successful, get married, and have a family one day. Who knows where life will really take me though. College seems like a waist of time, and a huge debt that no one wants to pay back, but in the long run it should help get a better job. Eventually, I will have to move out of my dads house and rely on myself for everything like gas, food, living, and bills. For the longest time I wanted to grow up fast, and I wanted  everything now. When I came to college, I realized that I was not ready for that type of responsibility yet, and growing up fast is not always a good thing. Will I end up a speech pathologist, a councelor, or a teacher? Only time will tell. This blog has been one of the best things I have ever done. It has opened my eyes to so much, and really was a big help. I found myself questioning myself alot, but it was only for the better. I hope to have a successful life. I used to end my blogs with more later, or more to come. This one ends with a goodbye :)

2 more to go

So with two weeks to go left in the semester, i have found that I am crammed with work while working and trying to get decent grades. I am doing just fine under pressure. I have to say that I have come back to normal and positive. My social life has gotten better with my friends because for a while there was alot of drama, my schooling is still stressful but working, and  i am working for Stockton now. How am I managing it, I am not sure. There are not enough hours in the day to be honest. My teaching career is still moving along. I am taking intro into Speech Pathology classes next semester and I am very excited to start it. I think even though it is such a drastic jump from Literature, it will work out for the better for my future. In the beginning i was so focused on my future like family life instead of a career and I was jumping all over the place until i realized that I really needed to focus on my career. Without a career how am I suppose to support a family. I do worry about my future alot, and I am very impatient because I just want to know how it is going to be. My family is rough, my parents are on and off , happy then unhappy, and I really do not want that type of life style for my future. I know I should really take it day after day, but sometimes I get a little impatient. I am only going to be 20. Today was a very busy day, but a good day as well. This weather makes it hard to go to school when its so nice out. I am looking forward to the end of this semester, and blogging. I feel like blogging has been a huge eye opener and confused me more than ever about my future. I guess we will see what happens within the next week. Hopefully things go well. More later :)

Negativity Negativity

Lets just say that I am not a happy camper right now. Today I went home, excited that I picked classes and I finally have Fridays off, and of course someone had to bring me down. The worst part about this is that it was my parents! They feel that I have not been trying hard enough... but what I would really like to know is why they feel like that. Yes, I have struggled in math this semester, but i have done all the extra work, credit, and math tutoring possible. This really hurt my feelings considering I have gone to extremes. My parents are hard people to please, and I am quite sick of it. They have never gone to college and they do not understand. I though that college was about working hard, but at the same time having fun. I have barely had any fun. I am miserable as this blog shows. I just do not understand when I am going to be good enough for them. I understand that they have high standards, but I feel like its standards for them to just brag out about to the family to make them look better. I have always been an A student, and clearly I try hard. I do not understand why they push and push and push. Their negativity makes me want to just give up. If they can not acknowledge that I am trying hard then I do not feel that it is worth all the extra work and time. Sometimes I wish they could live a day in my shoes and see how much work I actually do. In high school I did nothing, absolutely nothinggggggg, and they praised me left and right. In college I try very hard. Sometimes I call the library my second home. It is kind of depressing. I want to make them happy, but shouldn't it be both ways? Granite they have supplied with me the best equipment like a macbook and great word documents to help me, but sometimes just simple words like I am proud of you would be better. I loveee my apple products, but i enjoy compliments as well. Today I felt so horrible like I am not pleasing to them. My brother is in the Army, and the family praises everything he does. I kind of wish it was that way for me as well. I bet my brother would say it was opposite though. It is kind of funny how sibling rivalry works out in families. I guess the only thing I can do is stay positive, work as hard as I can, and give everything 100 percent. Blogging makes me feel so much better. More to come. :)

negativity will not get a person anywhere.

Throughout this blog, it is very clear that I have been struggling with myself and my decisions. I honestly thought by the time I was 19, I would have my life figured out. I know the basics like have a career, and start a family, but I did not think that it would be this conflicting. I legit feel a struggle with myself everyday. I also feel that the people I surround myself around do not help much either. My boyfriend is a speech major, and i really enjoy what he does, but at the same time I want to have my own identity.Many of my friends put down my ideas, maybe because they feel that they can be better at what I want to do. My boyfriend has  not really said much. Who really knows where I am going to end up in 10 years, or if I am going to date other people or stay with who I'm with. I would like to hope I have a future with him, but I am only 19.  I will never know if I am bad at something considering I haven't tried much. I kind of want to break out of my shell and experience new things. Obviously, as I reread my blog, I feel like I just want to conquer everything. The weight on my shoulders is heavy. It is by far too heavy. I can not feel like this anymore. I am starting to feel like my world is just crashing down on me, and I am getting no were with it. I am so unhappy today, and I am quite sick of it. Things have been changing, and maybe I am changing. I do know one thing though; I have to change my unhappiness. I love being the old bubbly me, and lately I feel so not like me. Maybe the next blog will be on a better note. This is my feelings, aspirations, and dreams spread throughout this blog, and reality is just hitting me. More later ..

is becoming a teacher just a hopeful dream, or a true reality?

Lately, it feels like everything and anything  has gone completely wrong for the most part. Stockton is one of those issues. It just seems like they do not have big enough programs for the amount of students they admit in at a time. The struggle to get classes are crazy, and the scheduled times are so time consuming. The teacher education program is over filled, and the chance of getting into a class that is needed is slim like 1:100. The preceptor can put you on a waitlist, but I have been there and it is not very promiseing. This has become a huge discouragement so far during my college year. I tried to take an alternative route and fill in some of the extra courses that are required, but I do not want to take the easy way out of everything because when the time comes and I am able to get into what I need, the work load could be to much possibly. I also looked into speech pathology classes for some of the special ed requirements, but that was no help either considering most of them were night time classes and I need to hold a job while I am in school.  Sometimes I wonder if this is ever going to be reality. Am i ever going to get on the right track? It is a constant question, and very frustrating. I have considered transferring to maybe rowan, but it seems like  I wouldn't get that far either in that idea. I would hate to start over, and have another new adjustment period where I just feel uncomfortable and unsure of things. I would hope that this would become a true reality someday, but I just feel like I am waisting my time hoping. I am all out of ideas, and Stockton is not very helpful. My positive incentives, are becoming negative ones quickly. It is time for a change. More to come :)

Outline on career

Throughout my blog, I have came up with alot of different ideas of how I would like my career and future to come out. I mentioned speech, special education students, guidence councelor, k-8 teacher, and I am sure there are many more to come. I feel that all these ideas co-inside with one another because they are all based on the education field. I think that while I am a younger teacher, I would like to work with the speech and special education field because I will have more patience and energy to give them all the time they need for understanding. Probably around the time I have a family, I will switch to k-8 because then I will be on a almost set time schedule, and will be able to work it around the family time. Maybe once I am older, I will go into the guidence councelor field because I would be older, and had enough time to learn the ins and outs of the school system. I understand that being a teacher is a 24-7 job and will consist of talking to parents through email, telephone, or parent confrence at different hours of the day besides the regular work day. The reason for my outline is because I want to be able to have a family as well and I do not think I will be able to conquer it all. So in order to do everything that I wanted to, I have to do it in a time line. I think that if I plan everything out accordingly, I will be just fine with my future.

Ideas of how I want my classroom to be set up

Well because I decided to teach k-8, I want my classroom to be creative and incentive. I want to make it very colorful and bright to keep the kids wide awake. Of course, their will be an apple on my desk because every teacher I had growing up always had an apple on their desk. To me it is like the apple is the symbol of the teacher with knowledge  ready to share. I want to have up incentives like student of the month, and have them write about why they feel they are student of the month, and give ideas to other students on how they could be the next candidate. They will have to read educational stuff, and do homework but I also want them to read one book or article a week that they are interested in to keep them positive about schooling. I remember when I was little reading books that I hated, and never had a taste for and always complaining that I wanted to ready Judy Bloom instead. I want their projects to be a thought out process with numerous steps to keep their brain working instead of an easy one task project. They need to expand their horizons. I would probably also do a star chart for the good days with the children when they use manner and respect to each other, and hand out a suprise at the end to the winner. I have so many ideas and the list just keeps going on and on. It feels good to have an idea on how you want things to go and plan them out, the only thing is working your way up to where you want to be. I feel like getting to this point will be a huge task. I am an impatient person. When i want something I have to have it. I wish I could have it now. more to come :)