THE FINAL BLOG :)

Throughout this final semester, you have read my ups and downs, my right and wrongs, and the decisions I have made for my future. Although sometimes it seems that I have no clue what I really want to do, that is because it's true. I am 19 and ready to experience life to the fullest. At this point I feel that I have a steady idea and hope for my future. The only issue throughout this blog was how was I suppose to get there. I guess you never really know what will happen in your future. The only thing someone can do it take life day by day. I hope to have a great career, be successful, get married, and have a family one day. Who knows where life will really take me though. College seems like a waist of time, and a huge debt that no one wants to pay back, but in the long run it should help get a better job. Eventually, I will have to move out of my dads house and rely on myself for everything like gas, food, living, and bills. For the longest time I wanted to grow up fast, and I wanted  everything now. When I came to college, I realized that I was not ready for that type of responsibility yet, and growing up fast is not always a good thing. Will I end up a speech pathologist, a councelor, or a teacher? Only time will tell. This blog has been one of the best things I have ever done. It has opened my eyes to so much, and really was a big help. I found myself questioning myself alot, but it was only for the better. I hope to have a successful life. I used to end my blogs with more later, or more to come. This one ends with a goodbye :)

2 more to go

So with two weeks to go left in the semester, i have found that I am crammed with work while working and trying to get decent grades. I am doing just fine under pressure. I have to say that I have come back to normal and positive. My social life has gotten better with my friends because for a while there was alot of drama, my schooling is still stressful but working, and  i am working for Stockton now. How am I managing it, I am not sure. There are not enough hours in the day to be honest. My teaching career is still moving along. I am taking intro into Speech Pathology classes next semester and I am very excited to start it. I think even though it is such a drastic jump from Literature, it will work out for the better for my future. In the beginning i was so focused on my future like family life instead of a career and I was jumping all over the place until i realized that I really needed to focus on my career. Without a career how am I suppose to support a family. I do worry about my future alot, and I am very impatient because I just want to know how it is going to be. My family is rough, my parents are on and off , happy then unhappy, and I really do not want that type of life style for my future. I know I should really take it day after day, but sometimes I get a little impatient. I am only going to be 20. Today was a very busy day, but a good day as well. This weather makes it hard to go to school when its so nice out. I am looking forward to the end of this semester, and blogging. I feel like blogging has been a huge eye opener and confused me more than ever about my future. I guess we will see what happens within the next week. Hopefully things go well. More later :)

Negativity Negativity

Lets just say that I am not a happy camper right now. Today I went home, excited that I picked classes and I finally have Fridays off, and of course someone had to bring me down. The worst part about this is that it was my parents! They feel that I have not been trying hard enough... but what I would really like to know is why they feel like that. Yes, I have struggled in math this semester, but i have done all the extra work, credit, and math tutoring possible. This really hurt my feelings considering I have gone to extremes. My parents are hard people to please, and I am quite sick of it. They have never gone to college and they do not understand. I though that college was about working hard, but at the same time having fun. I have barely had any fun. I am miserable as this blog shows. I just do not understand when I am going to be good enough for them. I understand that they have high standards, but I feel like its standards for them to just brag out about to the family to make them look better. I have always been an A student, and clearly I try hard. I do not understand why they push and push and push. Their negativity makes me want to just give up. If they can not acknowledge that I am trying hard then I do not feel that it is worth all the extra work and time. Sometimes I wish they could live a day in my shoes and see how much work I actually do. In high school I did nothing, absolutely nothinggggggg, and they praised me left and right. In college I try very hard. Sometimes I call the library my second home. It is kind of depressing. I want to make them happy, but shouldn't it be both ways? Granite they have supplied with me the best equipment like a macbook and great word documents to help me, but sometimes just simple words like I am proud of you would be better. I loveee my apple products, but i enjoy compliments as well. Today I felt so horrible like I am not pleasing to them. My brother is in the Army, and the family praises everything he does. I kind of wish it was that way for me as well. I bet my brother would say it was opposite though. It is kind of funny how sibling rivalry works out in families. I guess the only thing I can do is stay positive, work as hard as I can, and give everything 100 percent. Blogging makes me feel so much better. More to come. :)

negativity will not get a person anywhere.

Throughout this blog, it is very clear that I have been struggling with myself and my decisions. I honestly thought by the time I was 19, I would have my life figured out. I know the basics like have a career, and start a family, but I did not think that it would be this conflicting. I legit feel a struggle with myself everyday. I also feel that the people I surround myself around do not help much either. My boyfriend is a speech major, and i really enjoy what he does, but at the same time I want to have my own identity.Many of my friends put down my ideas, maybe because they feel that they can be better at what I want to do. My boyfriend has  not really said much. Who really knows where I am going to end up in 10 years, or if I am going to date other people or stay with who I'm with. I would like to hope I have a future with him, but I am only 19.  I will never know if I am bad at something considering I haven't tried much. I kind of want to break out of my shell and experience new things. Obviously, as I reread my blog, I feel like I just want to conquer everything. The weight on my shoulders is heavy. It is by far too heavy. I can not feel like this anymore. I am starting to feel like my world is just crashing down on me, and I am getting no were with it. I am so unhappy today, and I am quite sick of it. Things have been changing, and maybe I am changing. I do know one thing though; I have to change my unhappiness. I love being the old bubbly me, and lately I feel so not like me. Maybe the next blog will be on a better note. This is my feelings, aspirations, and dreams spread throughout this blog, and reality is just hitting me. More later ..