THE FINAL BLOG :)

Throughout this final semester, you have read my ups and downs, my right and wrongs, and the decisions I have made for my future. Although sometimes it seems that I have no clue what I really want to do, that is because it's true. I am 19 and ready to experience life to the fullest. At this point I feel that I have a steady idea and hope for my future. The only issue throughout this blog was how was I suppose to get there. I guess you never really know what will happen in your future. The only thing someone can do it take life day by day. I hope to have a great career, be successful, get married, and have a family one day. Who knows where life will really take me though. College seems like a waist of time, and a huge debt that no one wants to pay back, but in the long run it should help get a better job. Eventually, I will have to move out of my dads house and rely on myself for everything like gas, food, living, and bills. For the longest time I wanted to grow up fast, and I wanted  everything now. When I came to college, I realized that I was not ready for that type of responsibility yet, and growing up fast is not always a good thing. Will I end up a speech pathologist, a councelor, or a teacher? Only time will tell. This blog has been one of the best things I have ever done. It has opened my eyes to so much, and really was a big help. I found myself questioning myself alot, but it was only for the better. I hope to have a successful life. I used to end my blogs with more later, or more to come. This one ends with a goodbye :)

2 more to go

So with two weeks to go left in the semester, i have found that I am crammed with work while working and trying to get decent grades. I am doing just fine under pressure. I have to say that I have come back to normal and positive. My social life has gotten better with my friends because for a while there was alot of drama, my schooling is still stressful but working, and  i am working for Stockton now. How am I managing it, I am not sure. There are not enough hours in the day to be honest. My teaching career is still moving along. I am taking intro into Speech Pathology classes next semester and I am very excited to start it. I think even though it is such a drastic jump from Literature, it will work out for the better for my future. In the beginning i was so focused on my future like family life instead of a career and I was jumping all over the place until i realized that I really needed to focus on my career. Without a career how am I suppose to support a family. I do worry about my future alot, and I am very impatient because I just want to know how it is going to be. My family is rough, my parents are on and off , happy then unhappy, and I really do not want that type of life style for my future. I know I should really take it day after day, but sometimes I get a little impatient. I am only going to be 20. Today was a very busy day, but a good day as well. This weather makes it hard to go to school when its so nice out. I am looking forward to the end of this semester, and blogging. I feel like blogging has been a huge eye opener and confused me more than ever about my future. I guess we will see what happens within the next week. Hopefully things go well. More later :)

Negativity Negativity

Lets just say that I am not a happy camper right now. Today I went home, excited that I picked classes and I finally have Fridays off, and of course someone had to bring me down. The worst part about this is that it was my parents! They feel that I have not been trying hard enough... but what I would really like to know is why they feel like that. Yes, I have struggled in math this semester, but i have done all the extra work, credit, and math tutoring possible. This really hurt my feelings considering I have gone to extremes. My parents are hard people to please, and I am quite sick of it. They have never gone to college and they do not understand. I though that college was about working hard, but at the same time having fun. I have barely had any fun. I am miserable as this blog shows. I just do not understand when I am going to be good enough for them. I understand that they have high standards, but I feel like its standards for them to just brag out about to the family to make them look better. I have always been an A student, and clearly I try hard. I do not understand why they push and push and push. Their negativity makes me want to just give up. If they can not acknowledge that I am trying hard then I do not feel that it is worth all the extra work and time. Sometimes I wish they could live a day in my shoes and see how much work I actually do. In high school I did nothing, absolutely nothinggggggg, and they praised me left and right. In college I try very hard. Sometimes I call the library my second home. It is kind of depressing. I want to make them happy, but shouldn't it be both ways? Granite they have supplied with me the best equipment like a macbook and great word documents to help me, but sometimes just simple words like I am proud of you would be better. I loveee my apple products, but i enjoy compliments as well. Today I felt so horrible like I am not pleasing to them. My brother is in the Army, and the family praises everything he does. I kind of wish it was that way for me as well. I bet my brother would say it was opposite though. It is kind of funny how sibling rivalry works out in families. I guess the only thing I can do is stay positive, work as hard as I can, and give everything 100 percent. Blogging makes me feel so much better. More to come. :)

negativity will not get a person anywhere.

Throughout this blog, it is very clear that I have been struggling with myself and my decisions. I honestly thought by the time I was 19, I would have my life figured out. I know the basics like have a career, and start a family, but I did not think that it would be this conflicting. I legit feel a struggle with myself everyday. I also feel that the people I surround myself around do not help much either. My boyfriend is a speech major, and i really enjoy what he does, but at the same time I want to have my own identity.Many of my friends put down my ideas, maybe because they feel that they can be better at what I want to do. My boyfriend has  not really said much. Who really knows where I am going to end up in 10 years, or if I am going to date other people or stay with who I'm with. I would like to hope I have a future with him, but I am only 19.  I will never know if I am bad at something considering I haven't tried much. I kind of want to break out of my shell and experience new things. Obviously, as I reread my blog, I feel like I just want to conquer everything. The weight on my shoulders is heavy. It is by far too heavy. I can not feel like this anymore. I am starting to feel like my world is just crashing down on me, and I am getting no were with it. I am so unhappy today, and I am quite sick of it. Things have been changing, and maybe I am changing. I do know one thing though; I have to change my unhappiness. I love being the old bubbly me, and lately I feel so not like me. Maybe the next blog will be on a better note. This is my feelings, aspirations, and dreams spread throughout this blog, and reality is just hitting me. More later ..

is becoming a teacher just a hopeful dream, or a true reality?

Lately, it feels like everything and anything  has gone completely wrong for the most part. Stockton is one of those issues. It just seems like they do not have big enough programs for the amount of students they admit in at a time. The struggle to get classes are crazy, and the scheduled times are so time consuming. The teacher education program is over filled, and the chance of getting into a class that is needed is slim like 1:100. The preceptor can put you on a waitlist, but I have been there and it is not very promiseing. This has become a huge discouragement so far during my college year. I tried to take an alternative route and fill in some of the extra courses that are required, but I do not want to take the easy way out of everything because when the time comes and I am able to get into what I need, the work load could be to much possibly. I also looked into speech pathology classes for some of the special ed requirements, but that was no help either considering most of them were night time classes and I need to hold a job while I am in school.  Sometimes I wonder if this is ever going to be reality. Am i ever going to get on the right track? It is a constant question, and very frustrating. I have considered transferring to maybe rowan, but it seems like  I wouldn't get that far either in that idea. I would hate to start over, and have another new adjustment period where I just feel uncomfortable and unsure of things. I would hope that this would become a true reality someday, but I just feel like I am waisting my time hoping. I am all out of ideas, and Stockton is not very helpful. My positive incentives, are becoming negative ones quickly. It is time for a change. More to come :)

Outline on career

Throughout my blog, I have came up with alot of different ideas of how I would like my career and future to come out. I mentioned speech, special education students, guidence councelor, k-8 teacher, and I am sure there are many more to come. I feel that all these ideas co-inside with one another because they are all based on the education field. I think that while I am a younger teacher, I would like to work with the speech and special education field because I will have more patience and energy to give them all the time they need for understanding. Probably around the time I have a family, I will switch to k-8 because then I will be on a almost set time schedule, and will be able to work it around the family time. Maybe once I am older, I will go into the guidence councelor field because I would be older, and had enough time to learn the ins and outs of the school system. I understand that being a teacher is a 24-7 job and will consist of talking to parents through email, telephone, or parent confrence at different hours of the day besides the regular work day. The reason for my outline is because I want to be able to have a family as well and I do not think I will be able to conquer it all. So in order to do everything that I wanted to, I have to do it in a time line. I think that if I plan everything out accordingly, I will be just fine with my future.

Ideas of how I want my classroom to be set up

Well because I decided to teach k-8, I want my classroom to be creative and incentive. I want to make it very colorful and bright to keep the kids wide awake. Of course, their will be an apple on my desk because every teacher I had growing up always had an apple on their desk. To me it is like the apple is the symbol of the teacher with knowledge  ready to share. I want to have up incentives like student of the month, and have them write about why they feel they are student of the month, and give ideas to other students on how they could be the next candidate. They will have to read educational stuff, and do homework but I also want them to read one book or article a week that they are interested in to keep them positive about schooling. I remember when I was little reading books that I hated, and never had a taste for and always complaining that I wanted to ready Judy Bloom instead. I want their projects to be a thought out process with numerous steps to keep their brain working instead of an easy one task project. They need to expand their horizons. I would probably also do a star chart for the good days with the children when they use manner and respect to each other, and hand out a suprise at the end to the winner. I have so many ideas and the list just keeps going on and on. It feels good to have an idea on how you want things to go and plan them out, the only thing is working your way up to where you want to be. I feel like getting to this point will be a huge task. I am an impatient person. When i want something I have to have it. I wish I could have it now. more to come :)

K-8 ?!?!?!

After thinking my blogs through, I've decided to eliminate through grades and figure out which grade to teach that would be best for me. So I've decided that I want to work with little kids instead of older kids. Even though I feel that conversation is better with older students, I feel that younger students need a teacher more than the older kids. They also appreciate you more than an older student. They also respect you the way they should. I want to be able to craft and do fun learning activities with the kids. I feel that incentives are the best route for a teacher to take when trying to educate little ones. I want to have student of the month, and a colorful classroom. I want flowers, and positive incentives around to keep the students in good moods. I also want to have a class pet, maybe a bunny or fish. Teaching elementary i feel will be more pleasing to me than teaching high school. Even though high school is basically the same thing just in a mature concept, I feel it is not appreciative.  I honestly would love to teach kindergarden or 1st grade because I love working with little kids. I feel that it is such a great opportunity to show them the healthy and right way of life. Also to point them in the right direction, and teach them manners and respect. I want them to have a bright future, and a something to look forward too.  Even if i get bored of teaching little kids, I will have a degree to teach middle school as well. So if i decide that I want to hold a real conversation, I can always change grades. Talking about this makes me so happy. It really is such a great passion to have, especially if someone adores children like I do. More later :)

Maybe Extending a Teaching Career into A guidence Councelor Career.

So lately, I have been experiencing alot of personal problems. My parents are about to get a divorce, and I find this emotional situation starting to damper on my school work. It is not happening purposely but instead of my main focus on school, it has been on what is going on at home. The other day I recieved the phone call that this would be happening. I am not a fan of change. Of course anyone would not want news like that because your family is your family and nobody wants their family to be broken up. So I had to choose where I am going to live, but this put a tamper on my relationship with my parents because of course I could only pick one main house. I am 19, and distraught... which brings me too what if I was younger. What effect would this have on me as a child. If my school work is being delayed now, what would of happened if I was younger? Then I thought about maybe taking my career into teaching, but getting a degree where I can work with speech kids and their mentality. Also I could would with kids with emotion issues during their hard times. Many kids go through a divorce at young ages, and of course there is always side effects that come along with it. I know it sounds like I want to do it all, but I really just want to help make a change or better a childs life. If they struggle from a health issue, emotional issue, or just having a bad day. Everyday something impacts our mood. Either your happy to mad, or mad to sad. Many children experience death, divorce, and other major issues in their life. Maybe I could help them, and point them in a positive direction. I'm on a path to figuring out what I want to do, the only issue is when am I going to be 100 percent sure? I guess I'll be thinking about this more until something else comes up. More later

Possible conclusion

Over the weekend, I was doing my linguistics homework on phonology, and I really hit me that I really love this stuff. So while I was doing my homework, I was reading up on why people talk the way they do. It can be a health reason, or an effect from like a seizure. It can be because someone's tongue is smaller or bigger than normal. Also if a person does not move their mouth right. I am doing a paper on why autistic kids talk the way they talk, and it is very interesting. But when it happens to you in real life, and you experience something that you never expected before, that is when it really hit me. The other day, my mom suffered from a bad seizure. Because of the impact of the seizure, she lost her speech for a few days. Her words were all scrambled up and backwards. The doctor said it was normal, and that she would return back to normal in a few days, but I am telling you from personal experience that it is scary. To watch the fear in her face, and to hear the wrong words mummbaling out of her mouth was not something you are used to seeing. Then it hit me. I want to work with people who need my help. I want to be a speech teacher. I want to make them better. Even if it is an easy speech problem, or a hard task that occurred from something serious like a seizure. I want to be the person who can make an impact on someone's life by bettering them in the long run. I can finally say that I know what I want to make of my college degree/ years, and give them an actual good reason for why I want to do this for my life career :) My mood is finally satisfied

Blogging is my new addiction.

Just like any other day, I'm still questioning what I am doing with my life. Where am I going to take this college career. What is going to happen for me to decide exactly what I want to teach. At the rate I'm going, I feel like I won't be a teacher for ten years. This feeling is not a very good feeling. So sure today is just like any other day, until a change happens again in my life. I have my basics days, and all the people I really need in my life. My parents are great supporters, and I have this amazing boyfriend. Then I begin to wonder if this will be my life in the future. Call me young, but I have this life plan. The life plan is to graduate, get a masters, get a great teaching job, marry the man I fall in love with, buy a single family house with a bunch of land, get a dog, and then have four kids.  So here's another reason why I want to be a teacher. I want to have a family, and I feel that even though being a teacher is a 24 hour job, so it being a mom. The holidays off are great, and so is the summer. This way  I can still spend time with my family, and not miss to many of my kids accomplishments or anything special in their lives. So I heard that being a teacher is an around the clock job, and for some reason I feel that fits my life perfectly. I am used to being up late, actually I barely sleep. So if i recieve a email late at night, I'll respond. That is what blackberrys are made for. If  I have kids, I am sure they will be up late at night from night mares or whatever things they can use as an excuse like I did as a child :) So teaching is a lifestyle that I can handle. I have no doubt in my mind that I would not be able to handle it. Have a mentioned that since I started blogging, all I think about is what next to write down here. More to come later .

This Blog Thing is making me think more then ever.

I woke up today, and the first thing I did was open a book for school. Actually freakonomics. I feel like the author is just making up things and lying. Sometimes I wonder if I make things up and lie to make myself look good. Well maybe I wouldnt call it a lie, but definitly bending the truth a little bit. When people set high standards for you, like my family has, sometimes I feel like I have to be someone i'm not. Sometimes i have to get a grip and find myself because I get lost in the moment. The funny part is, the book Freakonomics had a reason why the chapters were named the way they were, because Levitt, the author experienced all theses things. So maybe he stretched the  truth sometimes as well as I did to make the book seem better than it actually was.So that idea lead to this next idea. When I become a teacher, I hope that the students walk into my classroom willing to learn and give it all he/ she has, but comes in being themself. Not someone else because their parents expect so much from them. All my school years, I never really felt I was earning A's for myself. It was more like earning an A to make my parents smile. I can't say its a bad thing, but it wasn't done for myself. Another thing i wander is WHY BECOME A TEACHER? My parents didn't graduate highschool. My mom is sick with her heart and seizures, and my father works his butt off to support my family. I have watched him struggle my whole life, and he definitly has been such an inspiration. I hope that my career will make him feel like he has accomplished alot more because in the mist of it all, he was the one who has supported,loved, and paid for me to come this far. Credit to my mom for listening to me complain literally all the time :), but seriously I would like to think that my accomplishments are his accomplishments as well. Also I want to be a teacher because I feel like it will be something that I absolutely love. Who wants to have a miserable job, when you can work to have a job that is the right one for you.  All these ideas jump to another after another. More to come  : )

Undecided and it is driving me CRAZY!

Last week i went to a meeting for education, and i really feel that it is their goal to scare people away. I understand that teaching is a serious job, and alot of work at home and at school. BUTTT that lady seem like it was going to be horrible. It is also very hard to decide what I would like to do because I'm so torn on what I would like to teach. For instance, I said in my past post I would like to be a speech teacher possibly, but on the other hand I really like English. Well i am taking classes right now to help me get the concept of what i would really like to do with my teaching career. I have a Linguistics class, that i loveeeee loveeee loveee, and currently my English classes are not that great. Also I have to consider that this will be a life long commitment, and is this really something I want to do forever? It is alot to take in, and I feel that I am not ready so much to make a decision that is as serious as this one. Thank god college allows you up to two years to decide. So all this back and forth is making me crazy. I keep thinking like it is okay, and that I have time, but then these semesters are flying by and it is making me fear that I am not ready to make this decision. Also the economy is terrible currently, and there are no jobs in the teaching field. 120 of my teachers were laid off last spring. I do not want to go to college, be 100,000 dollars in debt, and come out with a degree that I can not use. Even though I feel like I would enjoy teaching alot, I need to know that I will have a job coming out of college. So all these concerns and questions are putting my brain on overload. It is depressing just thinking about being in debt, and the chance of finding a job is slimm. So i guess i just wait it out, and weigh out the odds and ends when the time comes :(

Welcome the day of a life of Kristina's brain.

Hello, my name is Kristina, and i have the aspiration to become a teacher. The only thing is how, why, what type, and for what reasons? So here's the deal: I find myself questioning WHY? every single day.I would like to think that at this age i am not the only person who is trying to find their own way and future. I am hoping that blogging and writing down my thoughts might help me answer my own questions as i go along. I am torn between the grades i would like to teach because I'm not really sure if i want to work with younger kids or older kids. I feel that a teacher can hold a better conversation with older students, but at the same time teacher younger children can help set a better foundation for their future. I am also considering special ed students because i have a few family members that suffer from bi polar and are autistic and i love being with them. I feel that they are no different from us, and maybe they are even smarter than i am. A person with a handicap should be treated no differently, and the stories i hear about special students and how they are treated in school are horrid. I would like to be that change. So maybe special ed is the route i should take? But then i question, do i want to do that for the rest of my life. For me, middle school was the best years of my life. I had the best teachers, and i learned so much from them. I got all my study habits and time management down. They helped me find who i really was as a person. Middle school molded my foundation and made me who i am today. They were truely an inspiration and such a great role model. This is what steered me into the path of teaching. One day i want to know that i have made such a great impact on someone elses life, and helped them become a good person as well. I guess you can call me an over achiever. I dont aim for nothing less but an A in my classes. I do all my homework the day it is assigned, and i am well organized. There is nothing wrong with trying to be the best at everything as long as you try your hardest and do it well. I feel that this would install some great qualities in students. Maybe set a good example for them. But then again, i question it. Who really knows what builds a person. Maybe the influences, parents, friends, etc. , but i would like to try to be apart of that process. So maybe middle school would be great for me? See there is so many options, but choosing the right one for you. That is the question and not the last question i ask myself.  More to come soon.